Is it late?

I see your face inside.

2012-01-09T22:40:00.000Z

It smelled the same.

White walls and teal coloured seats that squeal when you sit on them.

My palms were clammy, my hair soaking wet and dripping onto my legs.

She had nice eyes. Although, I couldn't look at her.

I felt weak, I feel weak.
I'm back here again.

I couldn't look at him either,

just briefly cried.

"But you don't have to be."

Telling on the teeth.

2011-10-26T22:51:00.000+01:00

I am alive.
I am hiding, too ashamed to come back.
I'm so full of regret.
I'm so sorry.

Always danger, endless talking, life rebuilding, don't walk away.

2011-07-11T22:43:00.000+01:00

When I tell you to leave me alone, I don't mean it.
I wish you could understand, I'll push you away,

but not because I want to, but because I know it's best for you.
As long as you're caring, as long as you're around, I'm hurting you.
That is the last thing I want to do.
It hurts so much, but if it means that you will be happy,
I'll do anything.

I don't have to sell my soul.

2011-06-13T16:53:00.000+01:00

You put your clothes on and left.
My head hurts.

I'm crying.
J'ai trouvé la lame de rasoir.

Broken our mirrors

2011-06-12T22:54:00.000+01:00

Do I show him?

Or do I simply persist with this ridiculous altercation occuring inside my head.
At what point will I grow up?
I'm going to let him see this, see it all.
I will only learn to trust by trying.

The one who creeps in corridors, and doesn't make a sound.

2011-05-03T21:40:00.001+01:00

Did I mention I was discharged?

People to me are so surreal, they're enchanting.

They repulse me, and yet, there is that weakness within myself.

Perhaps I'm just bothered by ignorance.

They do not think before they speak.

If only they knew what they were doing,

my mind is bitter, not only increasing the hatred towards myself,

but flooding me with regret.

I wish only to melt into the void.

Tell the voices to stop.

Went over the sea, what did I find?

2011-04-17T21:29:00.000+01:00

The morning after.
I think back, not just to the previous night, but everything I've ever done, and I hate it.
I hate everything I say, stupid, the ignorance.
I fucking hate myself.
I'm craving the blood, the split second of euphoria,

how better to express such a putrid abhorrence?

Though, my drunken ability to spill my secrets has found me a friend.

She eats nothing, smokes everything, and is undeniably beautiful.

Oh, I'm imploding.

There's a story in which my eyes shut.

2011-04-11T22:53:00.000+01:00

I'm so fucking on edge it's unreal.

What's in my mind tonight.

2011-03-10T20:04:00.002Z

I'm pathetic.

Fuck a fucking title.

2011-02-28T23:46:00.002Z

Three years,
I lost him.

I feel dead.

Well if you want to know me, I'm a war.

2011-02-20T21:18:00.001Z

If you think about things too much, they only get worse.
I envy, yet hate the ignorance of some people.
I only wish I didn't think so much.

' That place where we always go. '

Feed my eyes, can't you sew them shut?

2011-02-15T14:28:00.000Z

I'm falling apart.

I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't think.

I can't get out of bed, or make myself do anything that normal people don't even fucking think about.
I haven't been to school in a long time.

I've been drunk since friday,

I'm falling apart.

Please help me.

I know I'm leaving, but I'll be back another day.

2011-01-31T09:13:00.004Z

~~picture~~.

I don't know what to do with myself.
A friend hastily throws themselves up my stairs,
'Siobhan? Are you going to school today?'
I realise I have no choice, I have an exam or something. I don't know the time, I've just been staring at my roof for a while. It appears flat, but if you look closely, it's slightly textured. I watched the shapes, and made faces.

I stayed up most of the night cleaning. First the room, then all the things in it, then myself.
I feel light and weak, I'm constantly shaking, but not cold. Everything looks hazy, and although I am fully aware of everything going on around me, I am not quite there.

There's a turning in my stomach.

I'm just waiting.

Apparently, over 200 of you are now following this.
I wish I could give something back to all you beautiful people.
All I can say is that I love you all, and I mean it.

This I feel as the dawn, it fades to grey.

2011-01-29T04:54:00.000Z

I'm numb.

Merely floating down the stairs.
I haven't slept in, a while.
It's nearly five in the morning.
I've taken to counting the minutes, eyes on the clock.
A ticking sound, to represent each second that passes, breaks the silence in the room.

Dan is lying on my bed, innocent and pure looking.
Asleep, of course.
Murmuring in his dreams.
I can only hope things are better for him there.

Brother,

2011-01-26T20:44:00.000Z

You'll be the death of me.

Am I wrong? Have I run too far to get home?

2011-01-25T21:13:00.000Z

I have never had a sister.
Not only blood related, but a girl friend so close.
One that will walk with me to hidden places and talk about all sorts of shit, and laugh.
I've always been closer to boys.
I'm starting to regret the fact I never made a bond like that.

Did you check the bathtub?

2011-01-19T23:07:00.004Z

Tomorrow, I turn 16.

Fuck it.

I am going to at least try to enjoy every last thing I do.

I love you all.

I feel shallow,

but strangely, I also feel alive.

Innocence is over, Ignorance is spoken.

2011-01-16T09:55:00.000Z

This morning, my thighs didn't touch.
There's a distinct gap.
Yes, I'm so fucking hungry.
I feel weak, like I'm crumbling,

but, there's a gap.
I could have cried.
It's been too long.

Today, I'm going to the woods. We'll walk far and smoke and drink too much and smoke and make a fire and smoke, and sing stupid songs together until it goes dark.
Fuck, I love life,

but it can be so shit.

Man's beside himself, Am I inside myself?

2011-01-12T23:01:00.000Z

I want to disappear.

Melt into the floor.
Cold fingers curled around my ankles, pulling me under the bed.
Pulling with such force that it's only a matter of seconds before I'm engulfed by darkness.
Bittersweet darkness.
Pouring into my lungs, pushing up against my skin.
I splutter.
Choke.
Drown.

I hardly ate a thing today, my lovelies.
Oh, the discusting satisfaction.

Ivy and gold

2010-12-19T01:36:00.001Z

His eyes are deep, magical.
Blue, definately blue,

yet with hints of green, brown, black.

I'll catch a glimpse.
They almost sparkle.

"I love you, more than anything, you know that don't you?"

It's a question, and he's watching me.
I know he cares, I know what I've put him through and he's still fucking here.

"I love you, too."

I reply. It's not that it isn't true,

It's just I'd do anything to be able to answer his question, to believe what he's saying, and instead,
to reply with,

"Yes, I know."

You turn as if your mind replies.

2010-12-14T22:06:00.000Z

I'm coming back.
Firstly, and rather selfishly, for myself.
When I used to write here so regularly, it was a chance to clear my head. I could write whatever I wanted and people would make of it what they pleased, and were almost always supportive. It helped me day to day, I would channel all my feelings, that I keep locked out of view, into a few bloody paragraphs, but they meant so much to me, and it made me feel alive to see all your comments, supportive and understanding. You made me feel part of something. You kept me going, and this leads me on to my second point.

Until this point, I have existed on here as someone who just writes occasional posts. I hardly ever comment on other peoples blogs, and I want that to change.
I want the chance to get to know you all, I'm sure you're all lovely, like-minded people, I mean, that's why we help eachother, right? I actually want to use this to it's full potential, and give you all back what you've given me, it's the least you deserve. A measly few words every other month, in one of your posts - to me this isn't fair. You've all helped me so much, and now I want to help you,

and so I promise, and I mean it this time!

I'm back.

A trail for the devil to erase.

2010-12-13T21:46:00.000Z

If anyone still reads this, I'd be grateful for your advise:
Should I come back, if I do, I will not let you down.
Or should I stay as I am, I just, hm.
I want to know if anyone is actually still reading this, I guess.
I love you all dearly.

Trying to outrun your fear. Running to lose.

2010-11-10T23:16:00.000Z

Heart on my sleeve,
stumbling down the corridors,

not knowing if I'm real or not.
I'm who I was, again.

I just don't want to eat.

I love you all, so much.

Panic attack.

2010-10-31T22:26:00.000Z

Numb from head to toes,

but I can feel the blood rush,

inside.

My hearts beating, fast,

it's so heavy.
It's going to rip through my chest.
It's going to rip through my chest.

Intense heat rushes through me, followed by the coldest ice, pricking at the surface of my skin.
I can't function.
Panic,

Panic.

Then why do you watch her sleep?

2010-10-16T23:26:00.001+01:00

My whole body is sore, my insides are contorting with rage.

All I ever wanted was to hide, dissolve into the depths of my own imagination.

Nothing had to be real.
I lived a false life, hid behind the well known mask.
I did it so well, that nobody will listen, nobody will believe me.
I need them most now, more than ever,

but they won't be there,

because of course there's nothing wrong with me.
I'm fine.

Hand me the strength to walk this alone.
I'll love you forever.

Step off a train, all alone at dawn.

2010-10-14T23:12:00.000+01:00

I miss you all so much.
Every day I'm building up the motivation and confidence to come back here, to return to you all.

I know I need to, and I keep trying.

Give me time.

I promise it won't be long now,

I'm sorry.

Quicker than darkness.

2010-09-24T23:16:00.002+01:00

As much as you'd like to, you can't change the past.

You can't take back what has been, for it will be, forever.

I can't help but wonder if it's all not worth thinking about, because it's behind me now. All I can do is accept it and move on, because drowning in it all is never going to get me anywhere.

But it's haunting me, and I don't think that will ever change.

Tears stained his cheeks as he turned to me and said, "it won't go away."

What I did then, ruined him.
What I did then, ruined me.
I want it to all go away,

I want to move past this.

Return.

2010-09-08T01:28:00.001+01:00

'Winnie

Listen to her,
Love her,
Follow her.

All in all, is all we are.

2010-09-05T23:46:00.000+01:00

This morning I saw summer disappear,

the sun was nowhere to be seen,

the clouds hung low,

shades of grey.
The breeze was icy, and as soon as it hit me I felt a tingling in my toes, arms, down my fingers.

Winter's my favourite.

I feel change.
I feel hope.
I'll see change.
I'll see change.

I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel.

2010-08-23T01:03:00.002+01:00

Do you ever find yourself retreating from the real world, and into the depths of your mind.
It's a wonderful thing, in a way. If you go far enough you can live in your mind, create a whole world for yourself. You're in control and anything that you dont want to happen, won't.

For a while it's wonderful. Everything you've ever wanted from a place, and it's open to you. You get sucked into it's trap so easily, and you don't even care.

But when you realise what you've done, it's too late.

I'm up in the woods.

2010-07-22T10:39:00.001+01:00

I am sorry I have disappeared.
I've been out.
I've stopped eating again.
I've never felt better,
and more out of control.

I miss all of you.
I'm sorry.

You don't care about me anymore.

2010-06-26T21:58:00.002+01:00

I refuse to do that again.

I am eleven feet, Ok, eight, six foot three.

2010-06-18T00:17:00.005+01:00

Someone mentioned they didn't know what I looked like,

So I thought, fuck it.

What do I have to lose.

image removed.

This is me.
It won't be up long.

Fair weather storms are in your head.

2010-06-14T06:03:00.002+01:00

Like an owl.
Unconscious through the day, unaware, and unplesantly awake when the sun sets.

I can't help but feel I'm getting closer and closer to the end.
I don't want to be.
I wanted to work for it.
I wanted it to show, in my bones.
I wanted to feel like I'd at least done something,

but they're coming.
The shadows are always following, whispering.
They're coming for me, and I won't be able to stop them.
Just give me some time, I'll try my best.

We're fated to pretend.

2010-06-03T20:54:00.003+01:00

"Epilepsy, Brain scans, Schizophrenia" I tried to blank out.

She spoke in monotone, and glared at me, in a concerning manner as I fiddled with my hands, and admired the shape of the bottle of water at the table.
I feel like she wasn't concerned for me, but for their 'statistics', and her job.

There was no attempted conversation, just question after question, the spaces between filled silence.
This woman was not here to be friendly, that stage has long gone. She is here to make sure that I don't do anything stupid, and if she even thinks that I will, I will be in hospital and under her watchful eyes within a matter of minutes.

I get the strong feeling that she doesn't understand.
I want them so badly to understand.

I know they can't.

Shadows of the mess you made.

2010-05-25T21:35:00.001+01:00

Any glimpse of clouds is a dream.
The heat hits you from every angle, you feel your skin burn under the rays.
Lovely, but unbearable.
No more pills.
She said I'd had enough.

The sun had finally had enough, the night rolled in and the sky turned a deep shade of blue, the stars were all that lit up the sky. We all sat round a gas burner, and watched the fire. Fire always seemed magical to me. I can't put my finger on it, but, like a mermaid it draws you in, you need the strength to keep yourself from letting it dance through your fingers, like an ignorant child.

"I want to forget I ever did anything, that you ever did anything. I want to start again, it'll be hard, but I'm willing to work as much as I need to, to make this work again. I love you."

I agreed, held him tight, and fell back into the dry grass, for my mind to drift with the stars once more.

Fall asleep, Spin the sky, Skeleton me, Love don't cry.

2010-05-13T21:51:00.000+01:00

The time is dragging on, much more than a week now, isn't it?

The nights, at worst, are spent staring out of my window and into the sky.
I cannot sleep, because mentally, I am not tired.
Physically is always another matter.
I struggled to get up, and when I did everything went black.
It was the comfort I missed, but I knew I had to get out.
I wasn't leaving that way, not just yet.
I have no energy, and still can't sleep, and so,
I'm begging.
Leave me alone just one night, let me build up the energy to continue, to walk, to not cry.
Keep your whispers away from my ears.
Stay the fuck away from me.
Just one night, please?

Shakes me, makes me lighter.

2010-05-04T21:39:00.003+01:00

I feel nothing.

I have no purpose here anymore.
I have lost everything that kept me here.
I just want to disappear.

Bruised.
Used.
Empty.
It starts here, but I won't leave that easily.
I want to see my bones, shine pure from under my dirty skin.
I want to be the closest I can be to being worth something.
Only then will I leave them all to be happy.
It starts now.

Dance, dance, dance till' you're dead.

2010-04-24T08:46:00.002+01:00

The night rolled in and I made my way towards the city centre.
My friend and his band were headlining a gig.
I danced. I danced and danced and danced.
I felt dead. I felt alive. I felt nothing. I just kept moving. I didn't think. I couldn't think.
I am covered in bruises. Aching.
I feel so empty. I have given up.
I will do whatever puts a smile on their faces, even if kills me.
They are wearing me down, ripping me apart, and they don't even know, and in all seriousness, I don't even care anymore.

Love, hate, pain, confusion.

2010-04-14T23:09:00.000+01:00

Between desperate kisses he murmured,
"Remember you said you were the wish fairy?"

"Yes?" I replied, struggling to hold back a grin.

"I think I believe you." he whispered.

The me that you know, he used to have feelings.

2010-04-04T18:44:00.001+01:00

You may have given up, this, but I have not.

I'm still,
scraping away.
Deaf by memories of mistakes I once made,

mistakes of what I am,
mistakes that once were, and never will be.
A smile engraved to please any.
A lie, lies?
Simply a lost mind, confused, controlled, and striving for control.

I'm off somewhere new, See you soon, lovelies.

Louder than sirens, Louder than bells.

2010-03-22T22:34:00.003Z

I spent the whole weekend high.
Reality hits you hard.
They just keep getting closer, they form figures, two, three, they're coming.

I can't look at the shadows, they will come for me, but I can't look at the light, for where there is light there is always shadow.
Hide, they'll see me, they'll see me, and I can't stop them. not anymore. I can't stop them.
Then he grabs me.

"See!
What the fuck are you doing to yourself?
You say so much but your words mean so little, please, talk to me.
I love you."

You don't know how many times you've saved me.

I am wandering through existance, With no purpose and no drive.

2010-03-09T21:35:00.002Z

Friendship.
What is friendship?
Are you supposed to know people?
You never know anyone, they will always pull something out of the bag that catches you by suprise.
Even though they are "there for you through everything" I can still see the hidden sniggers and silent laughter, watching eyes, judging, inside jokes shared through unspoken words.
You have no idea who I am.

Is that friendship?

Soon comes rain, Dry your eyes, Frost or flame, Skeleton me.

2010-03-01T21:23:00.001Z

I'm falling apart.
I can see them, the shadows, they creep slowly towards me, they come too close.
They come too close.
I feel them breathe, they whisper, voices fill my ears.
I'm taken away. They want me to leave.
I'm left, shaking, tears running down my face, numb.
The worst part is knowing I'm too weak to stop them.
I was once, so strong, once.

Concerned and kind, Yet unable to reach me.

2010-02-21T23:23:00.000Z

So, it seems, this is where it starts.
You have the control to do this, don't you?
Don't you?
My thoughts are painted with memories, treasured, as an escape from reality.
Stop shouting, please, stop shouting.

I can see it already, I'll walk, empty, ignorant and unfocused through the corridors.
I won't hear the laughter, I'll walk on, unaware.
It's a strange place to be, lost.

This thing hurts like hell, But what did you expect?

2010-02-19T00:36:00.003Z

Your face, unreadable.
The heat of your skin screams in contrast to that of my own, yet I feel safe.
Your gentle, careful as you move.
We both know what will happen next.
Careful, not to fall.

I'm hit by reality,
and it's all I feel,
and all I know.

Tell me, What led you on, I'd love to know.

2010-02-16T21:54:00.000Z

"But, I don't want to go among mad people." Alice remarked,
"Oh, you can't help that." said the cat. "We're all mad here, I'm mad, Your mad."
"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice.
"You must be," said the cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

Was it the blue night, Gone fragile.

2010-02-14T00:16:00.000Z

To me, love is a big word.

A horse? In a zoo? Unbelievable.

2010-02-12T00:57:00.000Z

Time fixes everything right?
Right?

You said you have places to show me.
Places of such calm, those moments when you don't have to say anything, and it's okay.
You both know it'll be okay.

"I'll fuck you up, don't worry."
If you haven't noticed, I have a tendency to hurt people.
And it kills me.

All apologies.

2010-02-10T22:56:00.003Z

I've fucked it all up.
All there is left to do now,

is starve.

I don't want to remember anything.
I want to escape.

I still love you, and always will.

Waiting for the tide, To drag her to the ocean, To another sea's shore.

2010-02-07T00:07:00.005Z

"Yes, love. Love is the thing that runs through, something you can never alter. She does not pay, she does not. You make me sick. You make me sick to the core. You are nothing, absolutely totally worthless. She learns more than you, she knows more than you, you know nothing, you have no idea you sadistic fucking piece of shit, you do not deserve such a beautiful, amazing person. She is worth an infinite amount of you, you cannot stop her, she is learning, she makes no mistakes, you just cannot see." -a past friend

Thank you for believing in me, when I don't have the strength.
I used it all in my cry for help, and you came.
I had no idea where I was, what I was doing.
She took over, and tore me apart.
I'm at war with myself.

Thank you, so much.

It's a cruel, cruel world, To face on your own.

2010-02-04T23:48:00.001Z

The sound of our feet hitting the wet ground, we walk in silence, in the rain.
You hold my hand, they are so cold.
The laughter and nervous glances between kisses we share, knowing this is wrong.
But so right.
"The truth is not always right."

Staring at the night sky, comforting darkness, calling out for me, but I know I can't. Something, some sense, keeps me here. They tell me everything will be okay, even when it seems I'm on the very edge.

And wish that you'd just float away.

2010-02-03T23:17:00.002Z

Your warm hands slowly edge up my back.
I feel so small, in your hands, your so strong, you could crush me if you wanted to.

I'm shaking, you make me so happy.
I'm afraid of getting hurt, you almost cry.
You promise me you'll always be here,
No matter what happens.

I want to be worth something.
I have so much on my mind.
never good enough.
350.

It's got to be magic.

2010-02-02T21:22:00.005Z

I just need time to think,
to figure out what is right, and what isn't.
truly.
I stumble around this building, dizzy, weak, ignorant.
I don't know where I'm going, anymore.
Sat on the floor, wet concrete grazing my feet, snow falling, drenching my hair.
Cigarette smoke clouds my vision, and I wish to become lost in it,
to not have to worry like this, to not have to think.
Even though it's clear that I need to.
My mind is permanantly too full, of words, memories, thoughts.
Is it the same?
I doubt it, though I doubt many things, and I am too weak to fight.
I feel the cold, all over me, so cold.
I have too much on my mind to eat.
although, what I do eat, makes me feel worthless, with every fucking bite.
200.

I've really fucked it up this time.

2010-01-31T22:16:00.003Z

Oh dear.
A weekend, full.
Dancing, darkness, lights, faint,
so faint.
I walked, or stumbled across the floor, looking for somewhere to go, faces I recognised surrounded me and yet I knew none of them.
Music, to keep calm.

I need your help.
I don't know what to do.
Oh, to love.

Is it possible to be in love with two people at once?

I haven't fucked much with the past, but I've fucked plenty with the future.

2010-01-26T19:39:00.003Z

Finally, my stomach has calmed down.
It's really getting out of hand, every week or so it will just refuse to digest anything, completely bloat up and result in my violently throwing up everywhere.
I'm getting so sick of it.

On the plus side, I woke up dizzy and light, having technically not consumed anything.

I feel so lost right now.
Just wandering about, doing nothing, overthinking everything, and crying.

I hate arguing with d over small things, that don't matter.
Why can't you see that I love you, more than anything.
I really do.
I'm so sorry, for everything.

1000,
x.

I didn't hear them, I didn't see.

2010-01-24T22:10:00.002Z

I seem to be developing some sort of cold.
I genuinly go about three days every month when I'm not ill in some way.
It's really not nice.
I was on my feet all day today, on all sorts of little missions around the city.
I'm guessing the unbelieveably cold temperatures didn't do anything for my cough, and blocked nose, and headaches.
My coursework is piling up, it gets bigger by the minute.
I'm not joking. I need to see to it soon, or I'm just going to fall flat on my face here.
It wont be pretty.
I just can't seem to concentrate right now.
My lessons usually involve me realising how much I've eaten, or how shit I feel, sometimes I dont even 'realise', it just hits me, out of nowhere, catches me off guard and next thing I know I'm in tears, uncontrolable, seriously, losing it.
Nobody cares enough to ask whats wrong.
But I can see them stare, from the corner of my eyes I feel theirs glare back at me, judging the way I am, forming their own little opinions, about me.
Sometimes, your just screaming at someone, anyone, in your head, to help you.
And still, when they ask if your okay,
It's all fucking swings and roundabouts.
750.

When you miss it, and you want it more, it isn't right.

2010-01-24T00:02:00.003Z

Tired, drowsy, my sleeping pattern is officially fucked.

My throat is packing in, and has decided to bless me with what could be a good few days, with what is a pathetic exuse for a voice.
If I try to speak it sounds like, ripping cardboard in half.
Cough medicine, although tasty(don't do it) has done shit all to help this situation.
So it looks like I'm dealing with whatever it throws at me.

As for my day, a trip into the city centre with some friends, shopping and ranting and generally taking my mind of all that is dragging me down lately, by laughing, it helps, no lie.

I feel so hypocritical, I can sit there and argue in my head that it will always be the drugs, never me, for I am not worthy(but thats a different story),
and yet I can easily put him through hell, and argue against it.
I've put him through so much shit.
I need to learn, so selfish.

I need to sort out the way my head works.
1000.

Hear it in my head real low, Turn into, The only thing you'll ever know.

2010-01-22T23:16:00.001Z

Control.
The clocks ticking, literally, I can hear it, feel it,
I'm wasting time.
Wasting.
Eating.

Oh, you need to get a grip.
So, heavy, on your shoulders.
You don't even feel, anything.
Just cry.

I'm sorry about this post,
But I just ate.
Fucking hell.

Don't let those motherfuckers sleep.

2010-01-21T21:31:00.002Z

It was my birthday yesterday,

I'm officially fifteen.

It's sort of, a strange feeling, for I don't really care much for birthdays.

It's the feeling that a year has passed, I'm a year older, and, I can't remember much.

It all seems a blur, yet so many changes have taken place, that I have not noticed.
One thing I have promised to myself, is to try harder.

"Why are you so set on destroying yourself? I don't understand."
Me neither.
All I know it that things need to change.
I need to gain control, I will have control.
I will change what I see, and become, beautiful.
Inside, and out.
I have to.
It's all I know now.

And so, this is where I leave you for now,
Changing into warmer clothes, ready to sink down into sleep,
which I'm lacking lately.
I'm sorry for my pathetic attempt at keeping up to date, but I will get better,
I promise, x.
900.

Now the strangers have caught on, And they're riding in the back seat.

2010-01-16T00:34:00.000Z

I want to close my eyes, and fall.
But it keeps me alert,
watch the clock.
Each second that ticks by, slower than the next,
a second wasted.
My mind can't help but wander over how lost I truly am right now.
Hours ago, I chose to fight.
Chose is the wrong word,
as it so simply occured.
-Words said, that cut deep,
paths and answers light,
and that shall stay.
But at the back of my mind, a little voice, screaming to be heard?
Yet being forced back,
"This is wrong."
It's pathetic how you fight for some sence,
a slight feeling, of control.
When this, it controls you.

Inhale, exhale.
A warm glow which strongly resembles that of the street lamp, casting a small streak of light upon the dark pavement.
Sirens, echoes, passing cars and the odd crunch of a footstep in what remains of the snow.
Words pour through, phrases which so perfectly fit and yet, are meaningless without presence.
How much more of this can I take?
A year? A week?

Surrounded by small, delicate pieces.
That resemble memories? Some.
Memories that I dream to recreate to hide from what is.
Material, ribbons, buttons and ink, to hide from myself, a mask.
To hide from what I truly am.

A burn at the back of my throat,
like, drinking bleach, and yet an overwhelming feeling of calm,
free, nothing.
A glass of water to wash away,
fresh, clean and powerful, in itself.
The mirror shows nothing but dirt, or truth.
The uncurable.
But one that I'll strive to cure.
Until I get there.
Watch me.

And she fights for her life as she pulls on her coat, Nobody knows.

2010-01-13T20:00:00.001Z

To be fair, See, I know you can do far better than this.

In: 800 calories.
thats pretty much the highest for me lately,
I've been so caught up in, well, nothing.
being confused about where I am, why I'm here.

I don't understand anything going on around me sometimes.

It's a weird feeling,

One blogger who commented on my blog once described it as "disconnected from the rest of the world"
and that has never applied more to me than it does now.

I'm sorry I've been neglecting you all, I have been reading your blogs,

but unable to find the strength to comment.
I think I'll have a good commenting session tonight.

thank you all for your support, all the way through this.
Words can't describe how much you've helped me, and now much I'd like to thank you all.

I hope your all okay, x.

Travel away, Travel it all away.

2010-01-07T22:05:00.001Z

I feel so, alone.
I want to disappear,

slowly waste away until I'm beautiful, worthy.

what is happening.

So much can change in a year.

After your worthless life is through, I will remember how you scream, I can't afford to care.

2010-01-06T10:04:00.001Z

I'm back,

Sorry I left it so long without posting.

I hope everyone had an amazing christmas and new year.

My family came over, and my eating has been terrible.

But it's picking up now.

I really hope I can find the strength to fucking get somewhere.

Thank you all for your lovely comments on my previous post, sometimes I find myself in the situation where everything becomes too much, and you've just had enough.

Of everything.

I'm sure you all know how it feels, and it's truly horrible.

It's the start of the ice age on the other side of my window.

While it looks so beautiful, I refrain from going out on a walk, as I get so cold, it starts to get seriously dangerous. I'm talking, nearly passing out, limbs going blue, kind of thing.

But anyway.
It's the start of a new year, It's beautiful outside.

I'm filled with motivation, although feeling weak, I know I have the strength to do this.

I hope we can all start this new year the way we wish to, and reach our goals.

Good luck to you all.

You're gonna' end up like one.

2009-12-27T22:17:00.000Z

Everything seems so, I feel like I can't cope right now.

I'm weaker that I've ever been.

Once, I hid all my problems with a convinsing smile plastered upon my face,

so perfect, unbelievable, so well hidden.

And now, daily, the darkness swallowes me whole, drags me further and further until I no longer have control over the tears streaming down my face.

And it doesn't matter where I am.

I'm surrounded by people, and I've never felt so alone.

The slightest thing can push me over the egde, and I feel like it's all enough.

I could give up, I've experienced life, and now I want out.

It's all in my head, what has happened to me?

I let people come so close, then hide away once they begin to discover the truth, who I really am.

I feel so selfish.

People are noticing the cracks in my disguise,
"whats up with her? why is she crying? is everything alright?"
And the people that seem to truly care, I hide from in the end,

because I wouldn't wish to hurt anyone,
to pull them into this.
For me to be an issue.

I watch people go past me everyday, so many people, each one unique, different lives, different feelings, thoughts, memories. I wonder if they're happy, they look happy, but are they really? I wonder what it's like.

I stare at the world around me and question it, everything seems like a lie to me, and I myself am part of it, I don't know who I am anymore.

I just want everything to go away, I don't want to worry, I don't want anyone to hurt, I wish to not think, not have to think, I don't have to have a care, nothing at all. I can just sleep, forever. I'm nobody's problem.

I probably won't remember posting this tomorrow.

It gets worse at night, x.

Hiding backwards inside of me, I feel so unafraid.

2009-12-24T22:46:00.000Z

So, this is it, my lovelies.

The time that only comes around once a year,

A time of warmth, happiness, and enjoyment.

Gathering in one room with your loved ones telling tales of the year that has passed,

or has nearly passed.

Memories, highlights,

a time to share.

Baubles and overwelming towers of tinsel reach out from every window,

the colours screaming out in contrast to the snow gathering outdoors,

which forms a colourless world.

So nearly a new year,

new chances, new experiences, new oppertunities.

maybe it won't be that different,

but I can only hope to make the year coming a better year than this one.

I myself do not enjoy christmas as much as most, but I shall try my hardest,

It is, of course, one day.

My love to all of you, hoping you have a very good weekend,

to those who may not celebrate christmas aswell.

I'll see you soon.

Show fine, No signs, Grow blind.

2009-12-23T22:38:00.000Z

Second appointment,

I now have to write exactly what I ate, when I ate it, where I ate it,

wether or not I binged/purged/used laxatives/exercised.

and how it made me feel.

This has strangely given me an incredible kick of motivation to get on track.

Today, compared to days like the ones I have been having recently, has gone incredibly well.

I am feeling in control, and not as down as I have been feeling lately.

It's snowing again.

You can no longer distinguish the pavement from the road,

it looks beautiful, so simple, easy and free.

Christmas is coming, and I am not worrying about it,

I will not let food ruin the time of year that I get to see my family all together, and that is not often at all. I will not let food control me, take over my mood and ruin my day.

It's all about the festive atmosphere, and enjoying it.

Thanks for all your comments when I've been feeling down.

You've really helped alot, I hope your all doing okay.

I'm up in the woods, I'm down on my mind.

2009-12-22T20:16:00.000Z

I have my second doctors appointment tomorrow.

I'm supposed to be writing the positives and negatives of staying how I am, and getting "better".

I can't concentrate on anything right now.

I literally did not realise I had posted last night,

I totally forgot.

If being "normal" means I can be happy like I was, and not care anymore,

I'll take it anyday.

But I look at what they want to eventually have me feeling, and thinking, and eating,

and it's scaring the shit out of me.

It really is.

I just wish everything would go away for two minutes.

for everything to be quiet, I don't have to feel,

I don't have to think.

I'm nobodys problem.

two minutes,

please?

Sinking, Draining, Drowning, Bleeding, Dead.

2009-12-21T23:52:00.003Z

Today I sat and cried.

for a long, long time.

Sometimes everything is just too much, you can't cope. I know I'm not strong enough.

And my knees buckle under the pressure of everything going on in my head.

And I lose it.

I just give up.

There was literally no point in today, please, I just want to sleep.

I just want to not care.

I remember, this time last year, I was at the park,

having a snowball fight with d.

Thoughts of self hatred flickered in and out of my mind occasionaly, but I was happy.

It all happens so quick, it takes over, it becomes everything,

why is it that we strive to feel control,

but in the end, it controls us?

my mind is full of thoughts, words, memories, loud, throwing themselves at me,

forcing themselves into view.

do you like what you've become?

So I don't know whats real, And whats not.

2009-12-21T01:28:00.000Z

Oh dear.

I know for a fact I will not reach what was my goal for Christmas.

Things are just everywhere right now. I don't know what to think.

I know that there is a crack forming in my disguise,

in what is the happy, smiling, laughing me.

That really isn't me at all.

I'm so glad I have time off right now, just to let it all go.

Nothing extra to worry about, no need to pretend all the time.

But still, every night, it just isn't nice. It takes hold, and doesn't let you go, drags you down further and further until you have no control of the tears pouring down your face, and you can't sleep, even though it's the thing you need most.

You don't have to think when you sleep.

Christmas.
Fuck it.
I'm going to lose weight.

I'm going to be worth something.

I'm going to be beautiful, and deserving, and in control.

I'm sorry for my pathetic attempt at posting.

I really hope your all okay, and looking forward to Christmas, and new year.

Okay, It wants me dead, Goddamn this voice inside my head.

2009-12-14T22:49:00.000Z

Sorry I've dissappeared.

I've had an interesting weekend really,

starving, going out, long nights, binging.

But I'm back on track now,

I've had 200 calories today, and I'm ready for tomorrow,

and for my first session at the doctors on thursday.

Otherwise though I feel quite shit, really.

I completely broke down in school, I didn't stop crying for four hours,

I felt so worthess and just like I wanted to give up, I'd had enough, but I managed to pull myself together for my second to last lesson and just get on with it.

I hope your all doing okay, I haven't been posting, but I have tried to read, and comment on a few of your blogs, but I will step it up and try harder.

I have lots of work and revising (I think) to do, but hey,

only have to get through this week and then HOLIDAYS :')

finally. a break. but I'm worried about eating in the holidays,

I've said before, it's like weekends, but everyday.

I'll try my hardest,

I hope your all okay x.

Fear of an enemy, A hand to a face, Words I overhear.

2009-12-08T21:28:00.002Z

Day two, In: 500 calories.

I'm feeling good and motivated, I really think I can keep this up for the time that I need to,

Apart from everything is freezing, I am freezing.

It hasn't snowed where I am yet, but I won't be suprised if it does,

I am doing nothing too interesting at christmas, just going over to my grandparents and then all the family come over for dinner and present opening.

But I think I am going to see some other family over new year, we always have such a laugh at new year over there, so it should be good.

Food wise I am feeling good, after a long time of just eating so much, I am doing quite well,

admittedly it's only been two days, but it's enough to motivate me to keep it up.

thanks for all your lovely comments, they really keep me going.

I am still with d, I can't imagine not being with him right now.

I trust him with everything and he is always there.

I love him.

But he hates this, the eating issues, and really wants me to take the councilling at the doctors,

I am going to take it, but I don't know if it will change anything.

I hope your all okay x

And run, From them, From them, With no direction.

2009-12-07T21:45:00.002Z

The doctors sent me a letter back,

my first appointment is next thursday,

So I have to be thinner for then, I'm so determind.

And for a little extra help, and motivation, I've welcomed back ABC.

Oh so many attempts, and so many fails.

I don't know how long I will be able to keep it up, but I at least need to make it two weeks.

So, Today was day one: 500 calories.

Intake: 480.

As for general life, nothing much is happening,

It's worryingly cold outside, and it's getting a little frosty,

The christmas trees, smothered in their lights, and baubles and tinsel are visible from almost every window.

Christmas is coming, I did have a goal for christmas, but I'm not too sure about it now,

I can try.
As for Christmas spirit, I'm not overly excited.

What about you lot, are you excited for christmas, what have you asked for? what are your plans? Anyone going anywhere a little warm?
I hope your all doing amazingly x.

Resort to, Scraping paint, From our bones, Unashamed.

2009-12-05T09:43:00.000Z

Sorry I've not been posting and commenting,

I've been reading though.

I'm really not feeling great, everything is blurred and I can't find my way,

I'm lost.

Last night was dreadful in food terms.

I'd done well all day, and came in at half ten and binged.

But I'm fixing that today,

I'm going to sleep tonight having consumed nothing but ice cold water.

I'm going to have control.

We can all do this.
I hope your all okay x.

And I've never been more scared to be alone.

2009-11-30T15:12:00.002Z

I just don't know what to do, my mind is so blank right now.
I was taken to the doctors, my family were sick of me apparently not eating.
I am possibly being sent to eating disorder councilling and support groups.
I don't even know what to think.
Knowing that they'll be tracking my weight has made me determined to lose more,
and the fact that it'll soon be the start of a new month,
A fresh start, a chance to really work at getting to my goals.
I'm ready for this.
I hope your all okay x

I painted my mind, Ugly isn't what I want to be.

2009-11-27T22:16:00.000Z

Inhale.

Exhale.
Take it back, feel it creep, slowly but certain, it trickles through your thoughts.

Colours, everywhere.
Laughter, dizzy, falling.

Seeing someone, the person I love, in the shadows made me feel so powerless, usless. I, nor anyone else could do anything but watch as their minds tore them apart.

I've never felt weaker in my life.

I turned to food to ease it, to comfort it,

and all the while I knew I was doing wrong,

I couldn't stop myself.

I sleep tonight having consumed 1300 calories.

I've made a big mistake.

And wheres my only cigarette? Did you check the bathroom? The bathtub?

2009-11-26T23:02:00.003Z

First day of a new start.
I've had about 500 calories today, and I guess I'm feeling good about it,

better than the past few days where I've been eating mounds.

A feeling of strength is creeping up on me.

I guess I like it.

It's getting really cold outside, like, really cold.

Icy.
I'm going out most of tomorrow, I just have to watch it at breakfast,

and it'll all be fine.

We can do this. I know it x.

What I see is unreal, I've written my own part.

2009-11-25T22:27:00.003Z

I feel so alone right now.
I've hardly been out this week,

a mixture of illness and just generally feeling like shit,

and because of this I've eaten and put on alot of weight.

I hate this.

I'm going to really try tomorrow,

I have someone helping me,

it's easier when someone understands.

I wish you all the best of luck with your plans,

and I hope your all doing better than me right now x.

I know the worlds a broken bone, but melt your headaches, call it home.

2009-11-24T19:34:00.002Z

Sorry I'm completely useless.

On the trip I lasted two and a half days, then I literally thought I'd pass out, I didn't eat a thing, not even the the resteraunts, I pushed my food around, handed it to others, I hid it quite well.

But now I've gone into some binge eating phase,
I feel really shit and I couldn't stop myself.

I'm so heavy right now.

Tomorrow,

Breakfast, A banana.

Snack, An apple,

Dinner, whatever I'm made to eat.

Wish me luck you guys,
I'm really going to do this, I'll post tommorow, sorry for my lack of posting and commenting, I'm pretty ill :( x

Loneliness and hate, it shadows me.

2009-11-18T22:18:00.002Z

I'm off for three days,

my plan is to eat as little as possible while I'm there,
I can't keep you updated but I'll try my hardest.

I know I can do this.
I wish you all the best, and hope your all okay,

wish me luck! x

Through playful lips made of yarn, That fragile capricorn unraveled words like moths upon old scarves.

2009-11-15T22:18:00.000Z

I have a plan for this week,

During the week, no more than 500 calories a day,

no eating until dinner, if I get really hungry -fruit and veg.

Try to get a little exercise in.

On the trip eat as little as possible for three days.

I am feeling like I can definately do this, I have to do this.

I can do this.

I'm sorry I've been so useless, I'll read and comment soon,

things are a bit hectic, I've got lots of work, I'm sorry.

hope your all okay x.

No man can hold, What the darkness can sew, You're 'gonna leave an ugly skull when you go.

2009-11-09T21:58:00.001Z

I feel okay, around 500 calories today.

I don't feel great, and I know that will creep back up on me later.

I had breakfast, and dinner. I never used to eat breakfast, but it seems to have

become quite a regular thing, I really should try and break from that.

The air is harsh, as you walk it picks at your skin and rips through your hair.

Winter is here.

Wrap up warm.
Can you believe it's so close to christmas?
I'm going away in a few weeks, and one of those nights there is a party.

I have a dress that I need to look better in, I need to look better.

These next few weeks are going to be good.

I hope your all okay, x.

There will never be another one that screams like you, When death sleeps, it dreams of you.

2009-11-07T21:35:00.003Z

I think I may have literally eaten my weight in food today.

Watch me, and things will only get harder for you.
I will only get better at lieing, pretending, smiling.

I will only work harder.

I'm dizzy, I can't think, I need to sleep.

It will be like it was before, I forgot I was alive.

2009-11-06T19:43:00.002Z

Yesterday, Bonfire night,

Friends, empty stomach, straight vodka.

I couldn't lie anymore.

The three friends that were there knew already, but I don't think they knew how bad I truly felt.

How fucking worthless I truly feel.

I think I purged about six times?

In the same fucking room, lets call him L, was hitting me around the head, telling me to stop.

Stomach acid and vodka.
D gave in, he told my mum, phoned her even, and informed her of my disordered eating.

J is like a rock. I've helped him, he's helped me.

I ruined everything.

Dead by dreaming, Sleep you steal, Mine.

2009-11-02T22:59:00.000Z

I can feel hope.

Hope that I'll get it right.

Hope that I'll be beautiful.

Hope that d will love me.

Hope that I'll be happy.

I'm sure your all doing so much better than me.

I love you all. I don't know where I'd be without you.

Crying now, Through a rusted smile she knows.

2009-10-29T23:22:00.004Z

Is it weird that I can't wait for the snow,

the tights, the thick coats, the winter atmosphere.

Not so much the christmas dinner though.

Ah I had to go out for dinner tonight,

I'm estimating my day at around 800.

Which, to be honest, is what I was aiming for.

I'm going to try and do so much better tomorrow,

I'm going out tomorrow night anyway so that gives me an exuse to eat nothing!

I've been catching up and commenting!

Oh, I spent basically my whole day with d, it was really nice being with him, I can be myself, and tell him anything and he wants to help.

I just find myself in a constant battle with the voice who continues to scream at me and tell me no-one cares. it's so confusing.

I've hope you've all done so much better than me today!

Falling up into the sky.

2009-10-28T21:15:00.000Z

Sorry I disappeared.

I just couldn't find it in me to post for a while,

I haven't done badly, but I haven't done great.

I suppose I've just maintained,

but hopefully that will change soon.

I have a week off school,

a week of no work,

a week of, hopefully, fun.

I am going to try and post and comment more frequently now.

I really have nothing to tell you, I'm so boring.

Sorry I've been useless.

I'd leave but I can't forget.

2009-10-19T20:27:00.000+01:00

I seem to resist posting on weekends, strange, but I really should start posting then, as I miss all of your posts and have so much to catch up on!

And it doesn't help that when I come to post, my computer decides that this moment is the exact moment it should give me hell.

This is the millionth time I've tried to keep this window open.

Anyway, I've had about 600 calories today,

annoying because I was aiming for 500, but theres always tomorrow.

I'm feeling alot better, and appear to have recovered from the flu, but a bug still remains, clawing at the back of my throat making it difficult for me to talk, and extreemely painful to do anything else.

I lost it yesterday.

I just couldn't cope with everything going on in my head, I couldn't deal with it all.

I try so fucking hard to keep this side of me from the people around me, the side that cries, the side that is only truly happy when she starves, and I really do try, and I came so close yesterday to accidently revealing that, I was a mess.

I am a mess.

I haven't talked to d properly in a while, I need to. I miss him, I love him.

I hope your all doing so much better than me right now.

Lonliness it shadows me, Quicker than darkness.

2009-10-16T22:24:00.002+01:00

I don't like this flu.

I've actually done alright today, I've had about 320 calories,

and that was more than twelve hours ago.

I really want to be 116 tomorrow.

I really do.

I really have nothing to write, as my day has been so uneventful.

I might see d tomorrow, as he, and about half our school, has also come down with flu. So I haven't seen him all week.

I have commented on most of your blogs,

you all seem to be doing okay,

I hope I'm right.

I listen to the trees, They hum and hold hands with the moon.

2009-10-15T21:57:00.003+01:00

I have flu.

And it's horrible.

I'm so weak I can hardly stand up, or walk.

And I can't sleep.

I weighed in at 117 today, it took me far too long to get there.

I'm going to work harder.

I had about 650 calories today,

which means probably no change tomorrow.

I will try harder to do better.

I've been useless at posting and comenting recently, I'm sorry.

I have caught up on a few of your blogs and tried my best to comment.

I hope your all doing amazingly.

Burnt by the mirror, Burnt by the light.

2009-10-13T22:42:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling a little better today.

I've had around 400 calories.

I'm clinging to the hope that it'll show tomorrow.

Can I just thank everyone on here for being so supportive,

and I have 61 followers.

Sixty one!

I never thought anyone would find me ranting and writing about how rubbish my days have been remotely interesting!

It's nice to know I have your support,

I'd like to think I offer the same amount.

I hope your all doing amazingly!

We chase misprinted lies, We face the path of time.

2009-10-12T21:43:00.004+01:00

I had a pretty full weekend.

Sorry I haven't posted in a while.

I had 450 calories today.

I feel so useless right now.

I can't stop crying.

Every nights the same.

I should be used to it by now.

I'm about to catch up on your blogs,

Sorry.

You're hungry 'cause you starve, While holding back the tears, Choking on your smile.

2009-10-10T00:20:00.003+01:00

I'm empty.

I'm in control.

No food has entered my body since seven o'clock last night.

I haven't felt control like this in so long.

I feel happy.

Crawling on your skin, discomfort, Makes you break and run, stumble, fall.

2009-10-08T21:48:00.000+01:00

500 calories isn't exactly what I'd call low,

but to be fair, it's much better than yesterday.

I still feel like shit for eating it though.

Tomorrow, I am going to try my hardest to fast.

No food. Only water.

I have to do this. I have to.

I feel so lost.

Like I don't know who I am anymore.

Things changed so quickly,

but it's usually so easy to hide.

I nearly broke down in school today.

I need sleep, badly. Feeling like this has been keeping me up.

Best of luck to everyone, and all their plans.

Dead to the world, my body was sleeping, On my mind was nothing at all.

2009-10-07T18:23:00.000+01:00

I binged.

yes, I failed.

Again.

I still haven't eaten dinner.

I will keep it low at dinner,

I will keep it low/fast tomorrow.

And I will fast Friday.

I am going to have control.

I can't live like this.

I feel useless, and lost.

Thank you all for being here, to help.

I hope your all doing better than me.

Just keep telling me facts, and keep making me smile.

2009-10-06T23:02:00.003+01:00

I've been doing okay.
I had about 600 calories today.

I won't go over 300 tomorrow.
I feel lost.
Empty, and worthless.

Like no matter how hard I try, I always fail, I strive to feel control, when really, if I had any control I'd get out of this. I feel happiest when I'm starving, and yet am I really happy? Or convising myself that I am.

I want this so badly now. It hurts.

I feel dizzy, and weak, and tired.

I don't know who I am anymore.
d keeps me together, I love him, and can't thank him enough.
I promised him I'd get there, I'll be good enough.

I hope your all okay.

People staring, they know you've been broken.

2009-10-02T23:52:00.000+01:00

I've failed you, I'm sorry.

Tonight I sleep having consumed 1000 calories today.

I can feel it inside me.

I'm worthless, just as I started working hard, I screw it up.

I need to sleep. I need to forget.

Goodnight.

Fall asleep, Wish away.

2009-10-01T22:55:00.000+01:00

Where have you all gone?

It seems rather quiet on here at the moment,

I mean, I went to comment on all your blogs tonight,

and I only had to comment on about three or four.

Today I have had about 300 calories.

I'm feeling in control, it's been a while since I've felt as dizzy and weak and light as I do now.

I've missed it.

I am scared my friend is coming down the same path as I did, the path I regret taking, and would prefer others to walk away from, and it's all my fault.

The only reason she stopped eating in the first place was to try and make me eat.

"If this is how your going to do things, then I'll do it too, until you stop."

I didn't stop.

She was telling me today how she just doesn't feel like eating anymore, and how her family threatened to take her to see the doctor.

I don't want this for her.

I don't want this for anyone.

I really hope she stops.

I'm worried about the weekend, I usually allow myself more calories at the weekend to avoid binges, but I'm going out for lunch with some friends on sunday.

I'm going to try and keep it low tomorrow, I don't know yet though.

I hope you all re-appear soon, I'm missing you all.

I'm not like them, but I can pretend.

2009-09-30T22:19:00.001+01:00

Today was better than I've done in a while.

I had around 200 calories, I hope it shows tomorrow.

I had alot of coursework to do though, leaving me not much time to blog and comment,

I've managed a few, I'm sorry.

I will make up for it I promise.

I am feeling really good about today, I didn't think I had the control.

400 calories max. tomorrow.

d came round. I had a good day.

I always feel worthless, and empty at night, like when I'm tring to sleep.

No matter what. I can't escape that.

I'm sorry I haven't had chance to comment today,

I hope you've all done brilliantly.

Will you hold my hand, Do you understand me.

2009-09-29T19:45:00.000+01:00

Oh the joy of weddings, and the not so beautiful joy of three course meals.

So, I am back, and to be honest I am feeling okay.

I ate yesterday at the wedding, but hopefully made up for that eating about 350 today,

and I am feeling okay about it.

I went for a walk alone in the most beautiful forest while I was there.

It was so peaceful.

I can feel it, tomorrow is going to be a good day,

I will not go over 300 calories, and I will be thinner.

I was looking at the sky tonight, it had a redish tint to it,

sunset? or the planet slowly dieing?

I hope it's the sunset.

I love d, I love him. I need him.

I kept repeating it in my head, I never thought I would need someone the way I need him now.

It's sort of scary, love, isn't it?

I have been trying to catch up on your blogs,

I hope your all doing amazingly.